Pumpkin Breeders and PC Programmers
by waterlilylf
Summary: Heero moves house to escape a hauntingly annoying, persistently possessive neighbour and is promptly driven batty by the enchanting new guy next door. Yaoi. 1x2 Halloween Get Together with a sliver of 3x4


Disclaimer: The Gundam Wing characters do not belong to me and I make no financial profit from writing these stories

Note: This one is for Kaeru Shisho, Princess of Proof-readers on the joyous occasion of her birthday.

Many thanks to Snow and Wolfje for reading it over and for the many amazing title suggestions.

**Pumpkin Breeders and PC Programmers: A Halloween Romance:**

_Now_ what were they doing?

How in the universe was he supposed to work when there was all that commotion outside? Didn't anyone care that he had a tight schedule to work to? His deadline was fast-approaching, he still had to test and review three new anti-virus programmes, and the people next door were apparently bent on turning their house in to some sort of Halloween theme park.

He'd been utterly specific in his demands to the estate agent. He needed a house in a quiet neighbourhood with quiet neighbours. He'd been informed that the property on one side of his new home was occupied by two elderly, unmarried sisters and that the other belonged to a professional, childless couple. He'd even taken the precaution of driving by the area once or twice at different times, just to check the small park at the end of the street wasn't used by the local children as a playground, or by teenagers as a drinking hang out.

It had seemed so perfect, even if the 'professional, childless' neighbours had turned out to be a young gay couple who'd been irritatingly friendly at first. Still, they finally seemed to have got the message that he didn't want to attend their barbeques or get-togethers or whatever and they'd left him alone over the past week, apart from polite greetings if they happened to meet on the street.

He'd just got to the point of congratulating himself on finding the perfect, peaceful environment in which to work and write. It had been well worth while researching the local area thoroughly before deciding to move there, and insisting on a property that met his exact specifications.

Those specifications had not included a Fed Ex van arriving at seven am, nor the driver swearing loudly as he manhandled a huge carton into his neighbours' drive.

Surely not more Halloween nonsense.

It had begun, innocuously enough, a week ago. Heero had arrived home one evening to find a carved, candle-lit pumpkin glowing on his neighbours' front porch. It had looked rather charming; a little beacon of light.

For a moment, he'd almost considered getting something similar to sit beside his own front door and welcome him home.

Over the next seven days, the pumpkin lanterns had bred profusely, colonising not just the porch, but spilling over to line the driveway.

Every bush in their garden was draped with some sort of gauzy netting, to simulate cobwebs. There was a luminous skeleton dangling from the apple tree, and giant spiders swarming up the trunk. A witch on a broomstick hovered over the front door, and there were cut-out black cats stalking each other through the flower beds.

Heero had even seen their real cat sporting a sparkly orange collar with little pumpkin charms dangling from it.

It was all so totally ridiculous.

Heero gave himself another five minutes, fuming, at the computer, before giving in. He had to see exactly was going on.

Twitching the blind aside slightly, he was rewarded by the enchanting sight of Duo Maxwell's backside, lovingly cupped by worn, faded denim, retreating slowly out of the box, both arms wrapped around some sort of very large black pot.

Well, that was harmless enough; a flower planter was hardly likely to cause too much trouble.

Surely.

It would probably look rather nice on the lawn, filled with flowers.

Not that he really had much time to waste looking at stupid flower pots when he could look at Duo. He was looking especially good this morning. Apart from the jeans, he had on a cherry-red fleece and his hair was braided a little less loosely than usual.

Quatre Winner - Heero wasn't sure when it had happened to he had begun to think of the blond as The Enemy - materialised at the front door, almost two minutes later than his usual time. The blond said something that made Duo laugh, gave his braid a little tug and got into his car. Really, he didn't deserve someone like Duo; he wasn't even going to help him.

Typical. Duo did everything, from what Heero could see, and Winner just swanned in and out in those ridiculous pastel shirts. Duo probably slaved for hours over the damn things, washing and pressing them, possibly by the light of a single candle, while the blond lazed around and drank his endless cups of tea.

He did _not _deserve Duo, who was plainly too good-natured to object. If Heero were going out with the beautiful, long-haired young man, Duo would never have to lift a finger. Heero would be only too happy to do everything, and he'd upgrade Duo's computer, and he'd _never _drive off to work leaving Duo wrestling heavy containers into place.

And Heero would never be able to concentrate on his work with Duo crawling around on the lawn like that. It just wasn't fair that one person should get to be that gorgeous and funny and charming.

It especially wasn't fair that he was with somebody else, someone who didn't seem to appreciate him in the least, or that Duo seemed perfectly happy to put up with that sort of cavalier treatment, when he deserved so much more.

There would be no work done today at this rate. Heero picked up the 'phone and called his editor.

'Trowa? Can I come into the office today to work?'

'What have they done now?' Trowa didn't sound terribly enthusiastic.

'A huge truck outside their front door at the crack of dawn; delivery men shouting all over the place. Boxes all over the lawn!'

'It's hardly their fault if the delivery guy turns up early. Heero, can I go back to sleep now?'

'They're driving me mad! I moved house to have some peace and privacy and this is what I get. At least Relena never had FedEx trucks outside my front door.'

'She had a full orchestra serenade your house for your last birthday. I'd say a delivery truck is an improvement.'

Heero winced. 'You're right. The woman was insane. But that's not the point. I moved here to get away from _anyone _bothering me!'

'Your new neighbours just sound like a couple of nice guys who're trying to be friendly. Asking you to a barbeque and letting you borrow their lawnmower isn't exactly classic stalker behaviour.'

Heero grunted. 'I'll be in at nine.'

Then, drawn by an irresistible magnetic force, he went outside.

Duo was trying to manhandle the flower pot or whatever it was, across the lawn but not getting very far. 'Hey Heero!' he sang out. 'Look, I'm really sorry about all the noise; we told the delivery guys we didn't want them to come 'til after nine, but those guys make up their own schedules, I think. Isn't this the coolest?'

Heero gave 'this' a glare. He didn't think it was cool in the slightest. He'd known Duo for just long enough to realise how enthusiastic he was about everything, but what was there in a flower pot to get excited about? 'Here, let me take it. You're going to put your back out, dragging it like that. Where do you want it?'

'Oh, are you sure? It's pretty heavy. Just in the centre of the lawn. Yeah, like that. Thanks, Heero. Quat told me to leave it 'til he got home, but I really wanted to get it set up.'

'In future, ask me if you need help with moving something. What is it for anyway?'

'It's a witch's cauldron. You know, like in the scene with the three witches in _Macbeth? _In the catalogue, they actually had three life-size witch figures, but they were kind of expensive. We might look at making our own for next year. We're going to use this to make punch for the party. Oh, that reminds me.' He dug his hand into one back pocket, Heero's eyes greedily following those long fingers and where they were going, and extracted a black piece of cardboard, shaped like a bat in flight.

'Here. I was going to put it through your letter box; it's for our party on Tuesday night.'

The card was covered in silver, Gothic-style lettering.

'_Spooks and ghouls and things that go bump in the night are invited to a Halloween hooley on the 27__th __. Costumes mandatory. RSVP if you dare. D and Q.'_

There were two smiley faces at the end, which rather took away from the effect.

'Halloween is the 31st.' Heero pointed out. 'You've got the date wrong.'

'Yeah. The thing is, my birthday is the 27th, so we're having this pre-Halloween party for adults. Then, on the 31st, all of Quat's nieces and nephews, and the neighbourhood kids can come over and we'll have a kids' party with games and fireworks and stuff. It'd be really nice if you could come. We're asking all the neighbours, so it'll be a great way for you to meet everyone on the street. It'll be fun.'

_Fun._

Making small talk with strangers whom he had no desire to meet while watching Quatre hang over Duo would not to be fun.

'I already have plans.'

'Oh. OK.' Duo had the temerity to look disappointed, as if he cared. 'Well, maybe some other time then. You know, if you've got a few minutes free now, you could come in and have a coffee or something. I could give you a tour of all our Halloween decorations and stuff.'

Shit. That would be such a bad idea. Alone in Duo's house with Duo. So tempting. Just to be able to sit and talk to him without Winner poking his pert little nose in. No. Bad idea, Yuy.

'I don't think so. I can see them perfectly well from here.' Duo's bright smile wilted uncertainly. Hating himself and utterly unable to stop, Heero pressed onward. Better just to nip this in the bud now, to convince Duo that they weren't going to be friends, so he wouldn't keep issuing those sort of invitations. 'Does the local residents' association not object to all of this tacky rubbish you've put up? Apart from anything else, all those pumpkins are probably a fire hazard.'

'Fine.' Those warm, glowing eyes were abruptly hard. 'I get it, Heero. You don't want to hang out with the fag neighbours. Don't worry, we won't be bothering you again.'

*********************************

'You know, Quat, that guy's a total asshole.'

Quatre nodded. He'd been listening to the manifold imperfections of Heero Yuy since he'd come home from work. It was getting rather monotonous.

'Perhaps he was just having a bad day.'

Duo sniffed. 'Don't you start with making excuses for him! What, he's having a bad day that's lasted for two weeks? I don't think so!' He leaned over to see what Quatre was doing. 'Oh, those little spiders are so cute. How'd you make them?'

'Wire for the legs, little fuzzy balls for the bodies, then it's just little beads for the eyes and more wire for the fangs. My niece Helena showed me how to make them last weekend; she learned in her arts and crafts class. They actually do quite advanced things for six year olds.'

'Fuzzy balls, heh heh,' Duo sniggered. 'They're brilliant. Where are they going to go?'

'I thought we could put them crawling all over the buffet. And then we can have your pumpkin house as the centrepiece in the middle of the table.' He looked admiringly at the large, Styrofoam pumpkin in its framework of mossy sticks.

'Sounds good. It's nearly done. I just need to make more bats to fly around it. And I thought I could make more bats out of black crepe paper and hang them from the ceiling in the hall. That guy is a total dickhead. I was only trying to be friendly. Well, I've had it with him and his stupid, pissy attitude. And he needn't think he can borrow our garden tools again either.'

'I thought you liked him. I thought you thought he was cute.'

'There was a certain superficial attraction at the start,' Duo said haughtily. 'But he's got the personality of a cheese-grater. A really sharp one with little bits of rusty metal sticking out to cut you. That's what he's like. Hell, I told you what he said.'

'I know. Duo, I'm sorry. Still, if he really is that bad, it's better off that you find out now, before you get too into him.'

'Chance would be a fine thing.'

'Don't worry,' Quatre comforted, reaching over to pat his best friend's arm. He hated seeing him so downcast. Heero was the first guy he'd been remotely interested in since Solo. 'Maybe you'll meet someone really great at our party. Hey, I know! Let's do the apple peel game!' He jumped up, heading for the kitchen and came back carrying a bowl of apples and a small paring knife. 'I'll go first.'

'I think it only works on Halloween.' Nonetheless, Duo leaned over to see the long strip of apple peel that Quatre flicked over one shoulder to see what initial it formed. 'I think it's 'T'. Hey, it's Treize.'

'Oooh, I hope not. I don't need to fall for my very married boss! Your turn!'

Duo was better with the knife than Quatre, the peel sliding off in one long, even strip.

''K'' Quatre laughed, peering over Duo's shoulder. 'Treize again, obviously. What do you think that means, that we're going to have a threesome with him?'

Duo made a face. 'Yeah, and then Zechs will kill us both. Actually, I think it's 'H', not 'K'. It's Hilde. I'm cured!'

'Or Heero,' Quatre murmured slyly, and then saw his friend's face. 'Duo, I'm sorry. That was stupid. I didn't think it was that serious.'

'Nah. I'm stupid. I swore after Solo that I wasn't going to do this again. And then I have to fall for the straight guy next door. Who hates me.'

'Then you're right. He is a …a dickhead.' Quatre stumbled slightly over the unfamiliar word. 'And he doesn't deserve someone amazing like you.' He reached out to give his friend a warm hug.

**************************************

Next door, Trowa was experiencing very similar feelings of annoyance with one Heero Yuy. 'Maybe you should give them a chance? You could end up making a couple of new friends.'

'I don't need new friends,' Heero snapped, adding inconsequentially, 'besides, they _are _a couple.'

'Yeah. That's the problem, isn't it?'

'What are you talking about, Barton?'

'That you're obviously seriously attracted to this Duo guy, and he's already got someone,' Trowa said firmly. 'Face it, Heero. You never talk about anything else these days; it's all Duo.'

'Oh, God.' Heero dropped his head to the desk, narrowly avoiding the keyboard. 'You're right. I'm turning into some sort of crazed stalker. I know exactly when he leaves for work, so I can be outside to see him leave; if he's not home at his usual time I worry that something's happened to him. I practically know his whole wardrobe off by heart! Shit, I'm turning into _Relena_. What he hell am I going to do?'

'Not much you can do, is there? He seems happy, right?'

Heero snorted. 'Oh, they're the perfect couple. Like the gay version of the Waltons or something. You should have seen them last night; they were spray painting acorns on the front porch, by candlelight. And I'm the freaky stalker next door spying on them. When did I get like this, Trowa?'

'I think you need to stop obsessing about this guy,' Trowa said seriously. 'He's happy, he's got a boyfriend. He is very cute; not your usual type, though.'

'When did _you _see him?'

'He was getting out of his car while I was parking. Blond guy; not too tall; nice body. Isn't that him?'

'No. That's the other one. Quatre. Duo's _boyfriend_.' He grunted. 'I feel so bad, Tro. He was trying to be friendly this morning, he's always trying to be friendly, and I was a total jerk. Now, I really hate myself; God, Trowa, you should have seen the look in his eyes. I really upset him.'

'Well, here's a novel thought. You could apologise.'

'I'm going to. Tomorrow. I'll wait for Quatre to go to work and then I'll call over.' He gestured to a large cardboard box in the corner. 'I've even bought a peace offering. I've seen some houses with Halloween wreaths on the front door, and it's about the only thing they _don't _have, so I got one on my way home. I hope he likes it; I know he's into bats, so I got one that had little model bats hanging out of it.'

He sighed as the doorbell rang. Not again. I've had stupid children ringing my bell for the last two nights. Practicing for Halloween or something. Just let me get rid of them and we can have dinner.'

It wasn't children. It was Quatre Winner.

He gave Heero a stiff little nod. 'Good evening. I'm so sorry to bother you, but I wanted to ask a favour. Our cat seems to have got out of the house somehow, and I wondered if you could possibly check your back garden? It's not the best time of year for her to be out at night, and she's scared of fireworks, so I'd be very grateful if you wouldn't mind taking a quick look.'

Heero snorted. Bloody blond idiot. 'People shouldn't have pets if they can't look after them properly.'

Quatre nodded, flushing and biting his lip. 'I know. We're always really careful, but she's a born escape artist.'

'Typical cat.' Trowas arrived at Heero's elbow, smiling at the little blond. 'I have two and I swear they can slide under doors and through keyholes. I can help you search if you like.'

'Oh, that would be so kind of you.' Quatre gushed. Heero chalked up yet another black mark against him; batting his long eyelashes at Trowa when a presumably distraught Duo was waiting next door.

He didn't deserve someone as perfect like Duo.

If _he _could find the cat, though, Duo would forgive him. Ideally, he would be able to rescue it from a burning building, or a pack of wolves, or a raging torrent, but those scenarios were slightly unrealistic for a quiet suburban neighbourhood.

Still, he could comb his back garden. Heero went into his bedroom to fetch a jacket and froze. Curled up in the centre of his bed was a small tabby cat with an orange collar.

'Hey, kitty.' She went to him gladly enough, letting herself be tucked under one arm. Heero put the wreath under his other arm and went next door.

Duo's face lit up when he saw the cat, then took on that horrible blank expression.

'She was on my bed,' Heero said quietly, handing the little animal over, trying not to make too much physical contact. He didn't think he could take that.

'Thank you for bringing her home. I'm sorry we bothered you again. Please send us the bill for dry-cleaning your quilt.'

'Duo, stop it! Please.'

'Stop what?' Duo put the cat down, gently ushering her into the hallway. 'You have made it very, very clear that you don't want to be on any sort of speaking terms with me. Fuck, you could hardly bear to touch me when you gave me Sandy! Goodnight, Heero.'

'Wait.' Heero just got one foot wedged in the door before Duo slammed it. 'Please, just let me say something. I found your cat; don't you think I deserve that much of a reward?'

'_What_?' Duo demanded incredulously. 'You're seriously telling me you want _money_?'

'No! I want to apologise for how I behaved earlier. I was way, way out of line and I'm so sorry. This is for you. For both of you, I mean. It's not just specially for you.'

'Uh, OK. I guess.' Duo looked utterly bewildered. 'It's not a bomb or something, is it?'

'No! It's a present! For your birthday or Halloween or whatever! Look!' He ripped the cardboard and handed it to Duo.

The look on the other man's face was well worth the hours he'd spent searching for the perfect wreath.

'Heero,' Duo breathed. 'You can't give me something like this. I mean, it must have cost a fortune.'

'Please take it. Please. I think it will look good on your front door, with all your other decorations. I didn't mean what I said about them. They're really cool! I was just jealous.'

'What? You can buy all that stuff anywhere! Most of it isn't even expensive!'

'I wasn't jealous of your decorations. I was jealous of you! No, I mean I was jealous of Quatre and I probably shouldn't say this, but I don't think he's a good boyfriend for you. I'd say that even if I didn't feel the way I do about you! I've been watching you two and you're the one who does everything. You do all the work in the garden and take out the trash and wash the windows and he does nothing!'

'Uh…Heero. Quatre isn't my boyfriend.'

'Well, whatever you call him. Significant other. Partner. Oh, God, you're not _married _to him, are you?'

'No! He's not any of those things. He's my best friend. I moved in with him four months ago when I broke up with the guy I'd been living with. He won't let me pay rent so I've been trying to help out with some of the chores. There's nothing romantic going on! I swear…..Wait up. Do you really feel…some sort of way about me?'

'From the first time I saw you,' Heero told him, words racing each other out of his mouth. 'Duo, the thing is I moved house to get away from my last neighbour. She was totally obsessed with me, she was convinced we were meant to be together. She did all sorts of crazy things, like buying herself a ring and telling my friends I'd proposed and sending out wedding invitations to my family, and well, it's not important, but I was so determined that I wasn't going to get involved with my neighbours ever again. That's why I was so brusque with you. Well, that and the fact that I really liked you and I thought you were in a relationship. I'm sorry. I'm sure you're not remotely interested in me but I just had to tell you.'

'I'm interested.' Duo said it so quietly that Heero wasn't sure at first whether he was interested. 'I am. But I'm warning you, I was really hurt by my ex, so I don't want to rush into anything.'

'I never rush into things.' Heero found his mouth stretched suddenly into a huge smile. It felt odd; he hadn't smiled like that in so long. 'I believe in doing lots of preliminary research, personal research.'

'Personal research …sounds pretty good,' Duo smiled at him and Heero felt a huge surge of relief. Duo was interested; that was enough of a start. They had time for everything else. 'Why don't you come in for a little bit and we can get started? Oh, shit! I have to tell Quat we've found Sandy first.'

'Why don't you give it a minute?' Heero suggested. Trowa and Quatre were working their way around Heero's front garden. They seemed to be taking an inordinately long time to peer under every bush. Honestly, surely Quatre was capable of getting up from the ground without Trowa giving him a helping hand? 'That's my best friend there with him. I think maybe we could give them some time together? And we could get to know one another a little bit better too?'


End file.
